The East Terrace - For the rugby football enthusiast

Risk of global spread of rugby union successfully prevented

Japanese World Cup bid
World Cup scare for IRB

Posted 17th Nov, 2005

The leading rugby unions of the world have successfully staved off a dramatic attempt to spread rugby union around the globe by stopping Japan from hosting the 2011 World Cup.

In a tense stand off at the International Rugby Board headquarters in Dublin, the founding members of the IRB managed to repel the Japanese delegation that were striving to claim the chance to host rugby’s most prestigious event.

The rugby world had been rocked over the past few months as Japan, a country not renowned for its rugby, threatened to host the 2011 World Cup and risk spreading the rugby union gospel to the Asian world. There were even rumours that the Japanese insurgents had managed to recruit support for the Japanese coup from various famous ex-players from the major unions and a sizeable group of rugby supporters throughout the planet.

However, the IRB councillors managed to hold firm and successfully handed over the legal rights to the New Zealand Rugby Football Union. The Kiwi delegation then escaped the premises moments after by helicopter.

A relieved IRB spokesperson issued the following statement: ‘We had a serious situation here whereby rugby could have raised its profile in a country that has 127 million people living in it. It also could have exposed the game throughout the Asian region and given the game a huge boost. But thankfully we prevented that. We managed to send the 2011 rights to New Zealand; we can’t neglect that important market after all.’

The IRB council thanked their cunning use of tactics for their successful repelling of the Japanese Rugby Union. ‘We had a plan to let them think we were actually on their side,’ said an unnamed delegate from the Home Unions. ‘We kept telling them that we would love to get the game away from its traditional base and find new fans. They seemed to believe us for a while. By the time they found out we were being slightly economical with the truth we had already barricaded up the building and secured all the major vantage points in the surrounding area. There was no way they could get through and eventually they had to retreat. We were then able to successfully hand over the rights to New Zealand.’

At press time the Japanese Rugby Union were cutting their losses and returning back to their homeland. Despite their audacious dreams, they will not be returning to their mother country with either good news or big dreams.

Finally, one representative of the IRB contacted The East Terrace to issue the following remark: ‘I think it was outrageous of Japan to attempt to host the World Cup. Who do they think they are? Were they tackling All Blacks in 1905 when most of us were? Have they ever tried to stop a British Lions team packed with the likes of Mike Gibson and Barry John? Were they trying to stop the great Springbok sides of the first half of the twentieth century? No! So how dare they come here and bang on about rugby to us? What next, giving Argentina some meaningful competition in between World Cups? Or, God forbid, giving the Pacific Islands some funding?’