The East Terrace - For the rugby football enthusiast

Gavin Hensonís hair appeals for UN to intervene

Hair calls for UN help
Henson's Hair - It's worth it

From the 2004 East Terrace Archives

The abused hair of Welsh outside-half Gavin Henson has made an impassioned appeal for international intervention due to its ongoing humiliation at the hands of its owner. The hair, which has suffered daily humiliation from about 23 ridiculous haircuts over the last few years, is pleading for not only the International Rugby Board to offer help but also the United Nations itself.

The Henson hair is famed for its ability to withstand extreme elements of hot and cold and remain utterly unmoved. With Gavin Henson in excellent form and tipped to play a major part in the upcoming Lionís tour, the suffering of the hair could reach a global audience and heap much embarrassment on the Welsh Rugby Union and the IRB who have so far failed to act in the matter.
The East Terrace was unable to secure comment from Gavin Henson but did manage to speak with the hair itself. The hairís voice was muffled and dulled by a thick gel/oil substance and its distress was clear. 'Iím at the end of my tether, pulling my hair out. I mean he has even dyed me grey! The lad was barely 20 and he dyed me grey,' said an exasperated group of hairs on Hensonís head. 'In ten years heíll be praying for the grey hairs to stop appearing, and he wants to be grey? Next heíll want to be bald and shave it off...hey, wait a minute, I think he did that already!'

As of press time the UN had failed to state whether or not it would try to calm the crisis. Diplomatic experts doubt that anything will happen unless America acts first, which is unlikely due to an apparent lack of oil and other natural resources. 'Hey,' said Gavinís Hair, 'Trust me there is oil in this ungodly mess. Iím covered in the stuff, I can barely breathe. Somebody save me.'

In the meantime, the UK Sport Doping Agency has vowed to test the hair for evidence of doping and steroid abuse.